How Fashion Can Become Emotional / A Rainy Day Outfit

Outfit details:

• Thrifted alo yoga neon top (Similar short-sleeve version here)
• Gold King of Diamonds necklace: https://www.brandymelvilleusa.com/gold-king-of-diamonds-necklace-300-e06-888.html
• Wild fable grommet belt: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-grommet-belt-wild-fable-153-black/-/A-53618093
• Thrifted H&M striped pants (Similar version here)
• Victoria’s Secret dark blue socks (I don’t have any tall black socks so I had to work with these. Black socks would’ve looked better imo)
• Asos chelsea boots: https://us.asos.com/asos-design/asos-absolute-leather-chelsea-ankle-boots/prd/7849093?affid=14174&channelref=product+search&mk=abc&currencyid=2&ppcadref=753857714%7C57945281015%7Cpla-485762367976&browsecountry=US&_cclid=v3_fe7e4e14-53a6-5f48-a385-b4097b7c4f39&gclid=CjwKCAiA4OvhBRAjEiwAU2FoJe5YAWhsl3jQkbEyTxmcE1jI0Gs_BeSjWmU5nWKgOQ1QOZRfgdwINBoCvW4QAvD_BwE

Outfit comments:

• Neon will make any gloomy day brighter
• The striped pants help elongate the legs especially since chelsea boots have rounded toes
• Any old black faux leather/ leather boots would be great since we aren’t allowing our nice boots to weather (pun intended) the mud and dirty water of rainy days
• The circular grommets create contrast with the striped pants

Hello, it’s Melanie. I have to admit something. I just made vegan tiramisu pie and had about half a cup leftover coffee liquor. Now, I’m someone who doesn’t like to waste. For instance, when it comes to food, clothes, and even guys, I will hold on to those things ( disclaimer: I know guys are not things and I do not believe in objectifying people, but for the sake of this sentence, let’s roll with it aka I don’t have the brain power right now to think of another word that could accurately encapsulate those three topics) in the same way that Jack held on to that wooden door. I’m an emotional person who self-inflicts guilt when it comes to ending things. Why am I telling you this? Well, this point is relevant to why I drank the leftover coffee liquor, despite having a distaste and negative reaction to both of those drinks. Coffee gives me massive headaches while alcohol gives me massive headaches AND puts me in an even more elevated emotional state. So, here I am. Headachy and emotional as I type these words on my laptop screen.

Fashion. What images or thoughts come to mind when you read or hear that word? For me personally, I know what doesn’t come to mind. Emotions. Yes, the word fashion typically incites happy emotions when I think of it, but I don’t actively think of all the emotions I’ve linked with fashion or clothes when I hear or read my favorite F word. Maybe the reason fashion and emotion sometimes seem polarized to me is because I haven’t truly grasped the connection between fashion and emotion. (side note: It just started raining. Could I become even more of an emotional character cliche?!) I know that certain clothes and outfits have the power to change my mood for the day, but I don’t know why nor have I sat myself down and tried to analyze the logistics of my clothing purchasing patterns.

Let’s flashback to last summer of 2018. I was probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life. I felt incredibly lonely due to the loss of a close friendship, which arguably hurts just as much or even more than a relationship imho. My self-esteem plummeted after being hurt by the first guy I developed deep feelings for. The cherry on top of my sweet depression pie was a strained relationship with my own dad. I felt unloved and unwanted by the only guy in my life I thought I could trust. It ripped me apart every time I thought about him and the toxic things he’s said and done, and on the same coin, hasn’t done for my family and I. My situation was the perfect recipe for a shopping spiral. I bought a lot of clothes, most of which I didn’t really want. I merely craved the high online purchasing granted me ever so effortlessly. And when I received the countless packages, I didn’t care to rip them open as soon as possible. Cardboard boxes and plastic bags took semi-permanent residence across my bedroom floor and I developed an indifference to receiving new clothing. It seemed like the only time I could feel good about myself was when I checked out my cart and hit PAY NOW. However, the same thing that gave me a rush of fleeting happiness was the reason for my guiltiest moments.The magic of clothes had disappeared from my life and in its place stood a toxic cycle of emotional spending. I became accustomed to feeling terrible after opening clothing packages and then continued to spend even more money to temporarily band-aid my deeper issues. (a very necessary weather update: there was just a huge thunder bolt that shook my room. Coincidence that it happened right as I got to the most vulnerable part of my post?! I think not. Call me crazy, but I’m labeling this one fate)

I would be lying if I said I’ve miraculously overcame my shopping addiction by following a 5 week course on self-reflection. I still shop when I’m emotional, but now I try to invest more thought into my purchases, just as I did before I spiraled. Why am I purchasing this shirt or pair of shoes? How will I feel about it months from now? Does this align with my lifestyle? How can I style it multiple ways, all of which reflect who I am as a person? I’m not perfect and I can direct anyone to my closet as proof. I’ve made mistakes and I am 100% certain I will make more mistakes. Unlike learning math, I think fashion is an area where one can make many of the same mistakes due to the complexity of it. (that is not to say math is not complex, my math grades are great evidence of just how complex the subject is to me) What I’m trying to say is, I have learned formulas and multiplication charts through practice and with practice, came learning from past mistakes. Although I can learn that unnecessary clothing purchases can cause more damage in the long run through trial and error, it’s also difficult to balance when a clothing purchase is or isn’t justified. There are so many different trends and new releases that are thrown at us weekly and it can be challenging to determine if the “present” me and “future” me will both feel the same way about an article of clothing. With math, I am willing to bet my life savings, which is about a staggering $10, that “present” me hates anti-derivatives just as “future” me hates anti-derivatives. There’s no, “maybe I just need to “style” anti-derivatives in a new way with my other math concepts,” my mind is stuck on how I feel about them. I think this might also be due to the fact that I don’t have an emotional connection with math in the way that I do with clothes/ fashion as a whole. My emotions change regularly and my feelings towards certain clothing can change as a result of that. Visceral reactions towards my clothes have most often been shaped by the memories I’ve created in them, which I can’t say for long division. I mean, can you recall any memories you’ve held onto with respect to long division versus your favorite shirt? I don’t know how I started this post with vegan tiramisu pie and got to long division. I could blame the coffee alcohol mixture for my rambling, but I’m almost certain my body has digested the small ½ cup by now. I think I need to go bed. It’s almost 4:30 in the morning, but I’ll probably post this once I’ve taken a cover photo and reread this entry a million times. Bye folks! If you’ve taken anything from this, I hope it’s that spiked coffee is never a good decision for emotionally and physically sensitive homo-sapiens like myself.                 

Melanie T / MelT